The plans are always changing

The plans are always changing

Searching for a new place to live has never been more difficult. We have more than four months until our lease is up, but I’ve just about had it with this tiny apartment. I’ve been scouring the web for a suitable new home, to no avail.

The real problem, though, is that for the last two months Brad and I were looking to buy a house … a plan that did not pan out.

For anyone who has ever bought a house, you know that it’s a very stressful time in a person’s life. We put so much into finding the perfect place, filling out all the paperwork, negotiating the contract, getting the pre-approval and finding the right lender. I even developed a nervous twitch in my eye (which has returned as I relive that rollercoaster of emotions). I don’t doubt Brad’s own emotional contribution to the whole thing, but ultimately it was his decision to scrap the whole plan … and I was crushed.

Terminating the contract definitely wasn’t without reason. Although we both absolutely loved the house, there were a number of repairs that neither we nor the sellers could afford to make right away. Money is always tight for us since Brad relies heavily on a part-time job and student aid, and I’m not exactly raking in the big bucks. It was the wise choice — the fiscally responsible thing to do.

Still, I am the type of person who takes great care in planning for the future. If I want to accomplish something, I set out well in advance to put myself on the path I believe will take me to it. This path guaranteed a five-year plan to build equity, establish myself as a working designer, and possibly have children. In fact, one of the reasons we chose buying rather than renting is because we are looking into surrogacy or fostering a child, and we figured a nice starter home in a safe, established neighborhood would offer some stability for a young child. I’m 30 after all, and I am very much OK with the settling down aspect of life.

Brad, on the other hand, tends to get bored and antsy within the confines of one place within a year. It stems from the transient childhood of an Army brat. Being younger, he also feels that life passes by too fast and that if you stick around one place too long, you’ll miss it. He’s had some great aspirations for his life. And I feel like we’ve both done very well to accommodate each others’ goals in those plans, however, Brad tends to change his mind frequently. I’ve lost count of the number of times our two-year outlook has changed. I don’t know how we ever came up with a five-year one. And it seems lately that the life plans — these enormous, earth-shattering, mountain-moving plans — have been changing on the fly. It’s getting to be dangerously close to reckless, and I think Brad needs to learn that making these big decisions cannot, should not be done in a snap. There is an insecurity there that he needs to acknowledge. Yes, there are some fantastic options in front of us, but if we choose one, we need to commit to it and see it through to the end.

It’s a different perspective that I don’t think he can see clearly just yet. But I’m here to help. I appreciate and encourage Brad’s ambition, but I also want him to realize there needs to be some responsibility on his part. These decisions are the ones that really matter and cannot be made lightly. There’s more at stake and there are more people depending on us to follow through. After making a huge investment, breaking that contract is bound to yield some penalties.

In the short term, let’s hope I can make some headway into finding us a new place to live. It’s been very difficult to let go of what was very nearly ours, and changing our plan so drastically makes me anxious of being stuck in this tiny place forever. I think I need this little bit of change to help me move on.

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